I was up all night

It is funny as the Lord had me up all night and pray, I didn't pray the whole time, but I was up and thining of God and prayer and his word. I am being shown alot and, I see I much to learn, But until I go and seek him, I will have the face to face meeting with him. My heart turn and tossed with uneasy emotions. God’ s Spirit spoke to me. He moved me to pray. Then it priced my heart, as bricks were laid on my chest. My heart pounded. Now come and hear my cry. Now let us seek your face. Please Lord why must we wait. Why must we wait to seek you, Why? I do not understand my reasons. I don’t understand, my laziness. Why do I not seek You now. Why must we wait? Maybe there is more to be said. Maybe I really love the world more in some ways. Maybe I am fooling myself and don’t know what fasting or a deeper hunger really is. Maybe I love my friends and Church groups and Church more. What is hanging me up.? Maybe my love for Him is weak. Maybe my vision of who He is less then It should be. Maybe He isn’t worth 40 days. But we will give 4 years for school. Maybe He isn’t seen in all His all. Just maybe I am putting other things before Him. Maybe these other are worth more?. Maybe food and comforts are worth more then him? Wait is it that is keep me from seeking Him with everything I got? Really why? Why do I keep waiting? Why I am not willing to seek until he pours in my life? Why do I settle for so little? Why do I wait? Why do I settle for so little ? Why don’t I seek Him now and fast and pray NOW!. I have a higher calling.? But the question do I want GOD? Or do I want what the worlds offers for joy? How mush do I want my God? How bad? What I am willing to do? What? Why are I am not doing it? Why are I am waiting? Why? Why? If you think I am not missing anything I am a fool. If I think friends, family, sleep or food or anything else is real joy, then what lies I have been fed. If I think commuter and speakers and books are real joy again I am but a fool. I say again if I think Church and friends and family is where my joy comes from, I am a but fools. My real, filling of joy is in Christ. If I am not filled with this, then everything else is meanness. What fool I am, to think this world offers true joy a part for Christ first. What fool I am to lower God plan for true joy, for true fellowship. What fool I am to lower and settle for less. I am a fools. I am a fool if I wait another day. Why I am waiting? Why? The joy and fun world is a lie. So what is keeping me from pouring out my hearts to God. How little I give. Do we love Him more then life? May I never say I am busy I can’t fit God in, Why do I love sleep more then God, How fitting to tell the God who made us that we are to busy to seek His face. Could we seek Him and Him alone? Can I declare a fast, could I seek him and give him my life?. Could we or are we to busy? Life will not stop, but what is 40 days compare to 4 years in school. Or do we want more. Could we be happy with Christ alone?I will seek later I will fast later I will pray later I will read later, No Now. God does want my heart not the next day. He wants it Now.

I love Him so little. in his lovecharlene