Seeking God Can I Prayer?

Step.. 24
I have written on SI today that I would step away..
It came from deep longing in my heart, is this it? I often questioned.. I read of great men and women in the past and even now. What is praying? What is it that makes them different then me? Can I do such things? Can I have the power of Christ in me? If indeed what stop this mighty power to work through me? I know not why God pours his grace out on me. But I am thankful. My heart desire to know this God of mine so much more. I want a character that is radiant displaying the glory of my King. I want my heart to be in swept again in breathless love. As I might fall in love with this great God. That it would be heard that when I open the word, my heart melts from awe inspiring word of God. I now see how I sought after idols. What a fool I am starting to see. Or did I see and my desire and love was cold? I have been talking about this Holy God, and how going before is a fearful thing. But when I am really trembling before my King? When I am falling face down?
I beg the question, when have I come in awe? I beg the question how is Christ light shining through me? Can others tell I am a follower of Christ? I have been thinking about how when Mose met with God, they put a veil over his face. Has God manifested his glory on me that others can feel and see the glory of God through me? Has it been told that when people are with me they touched for the Spirit of God is working through me? What do people see when they are with me. Me or Jesus? What is my prayer life? I am seeking with my whole heart. Again I beg a question are my prayers with my whole heart? Are they in the spirit? What power is seem through my prayers? I am agonized in prayer for others? Where has my tears gone? I think of those hours I agonized and prayed. But now my heart is cold..Holy Father may it never be come quickly and save me from my cold and lazy ways. Do I want to seek Gods face, and be done with all my evil ways. Do not want to be brought into wonderful presence of God? I coming to see I want to sit and be in awe of God. I long for this, my heart is crying out manifested your power on me, empty and fill me. That the atmosphere would change for God is our mist. That God would pour his anointing on my prayers and my words. I want the fragrance of Christ on me.
May God use this time to grow me a deeper hunger for God holy word. I have seen that my joy is little and my family don’t see Christ fully living in me or those around me. What is missing? My mirror is dirt. How I am to reflect his glory? So use this time to clean me for the pure in heartt will see God. So this is my cry come Holy Spirit take control I a yield it all. Bring me into presence of God. Let my life have power by Christ living and working through me. So I plea for more grace more grace my God to open my eyes to see and understand all your ways. So let it be said this my journey in beginning of fresh power and fire that you will pour on me. This why I knew I had to step away from SI. I had to give that time to God. I confess I still working on giving other things. I want this time to be devoted to pray for this conf. I am willing? What I am willing to give up? Or will keep living and not listening to God call? Come Father take over..
"Blessed the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comfort Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after right for they shall be satisfied Blessed are those who are merfuil they shall receive mercy"